As a child, you probably experienced more than one situation when you were told that you weren’t good enough, or didn’t do something well enough.
We all did.
Why is it then that some of us moved on and didn’t let themselves believe they are inadequate, while others fear that they will never be good enough to live the life they want?
It all depends on what kind of Vision of Ourselves we’ve created in our mind.
Our Vision of Ourselves is deeply rooted in the way we have been programmed, or have programmed ourselves, based on our experiences, beliefs, and – before all – what resonates with who we have become thus far.
What we believe about ourselves affects the way we think, behave, function, attempt and reach for:
– Do you ever feel like you don’t measure up?
– Not sure you have what it takes?
– Feel like you are in over your head?
The feeling of being not good enough usually takes over as a result of subconsciously stored negative emotional memories from the past. Whenever something happens in our present that activates those memories, it triggers our Fear of Inadequacy.
When did it all start?
As soon as we define ourselves as individuals – separate from our Mom or any caregiver – we begin to create our Vision of Ourselves.
Each experience we have in life creates new subconscious beliefs about ourselves.
The good news is that our Vision of Ourselves is not a fixed thing. It may change according to our life situation, the change of our status or position, or even our mood. When we feel great, we see ourselves on top of the world. When we are blue, we think of ourselves in the opposite way.
The Fear Of Inadequacy is nothing else but an old Boogieman that we subconsciously still believe in.
Why did it happen that way?
If for whatever reason you are not able to separate your past from your present, and objectively look at the present situation – you might hold on to old memories that confirm your Fear Of Inadequacy.
What you see and remember is the old pain – the Boogieman that still haunts you in your life.
How to overcome The Fear of Inadequacy:
Step 1: Notice and admit to yourself that you were born happy and joyous. You did not feel inadequate in any way and naturally enjoyed your life, believing you were capable, lovable and good enough.
Step 2: Notice and admit to yourself that you are capable of learning AND unlearning anything you want. It is up to you which patterns you want to perpetuate and which you decide to unlearn.
Step 3: Notice and admit to yourself that comparing your situation with others is pointless and does not help you in any way. You are a unique person, one in billions, and so is your life story:
At the core of our being, as humans, we are the same: we all progress, we all need and seek love, we all go through the same cycles of evolution – whether individually or globally. Yet the way we express our common “core”, the way we design ourselves and our lives – based on that “core”, how we process our experiences, how we operate within our bodies, minds, or emotions – that is utterly unique.
There are no two identical individuals, or identical lives.
Not only is each human being unique. But also every animal, every plant, stone, grain of sand, a drop of water, or snowflake.
Every single blade of grass, or leaf on a tree – not only is different from the leaves on the same tree, or other blades of grass on the same lawn. But it is also different from all the other blades of grass and leaves in the world.
And now imagine this vast abundance of life, the magnitude of all life that surrounds us, and the magnificent richness within us.
No circumstances, no moods, no emotional wounds can rob you of your dignity and joy of life. Inside of each of us, resides our innate, natural happiness. Once we become aware of the preciousness of our life, we can find that inborn happiness within and withstand anything that tries to bring us down.
When we realize the beauty and importance of our existence – we naturally expand our Vision of Ourselves. We appreciate, embrace and respect who we have become, and who we will be.
You are more than adequate:
You are precious. You are beautiful. You are loved – by nature, by the planet, by your next breath. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.
Step 4: Stop the negative self-talk in your mind. No more thinking: “I am such a stupid idiot” or “I can’t do it” or “This is too hard for me”, etc. It will take a while, but you can do it. Anything learned can be unlearned.
Any time a negative thought comes to mind, tell yourself: “This is only a thought. And thoughts can be changed”.
Replace those negative thoughts with: “I can figure out anything if I put my mind to it” or “I am capable of learning how to do things I want to do” or “I don’t need to get discouraged when things get hard”, etc.
Step 5: any time you feel the old Boogieman coming back, remind yourself that what you feel are simply emotions related to your past experiences. These are just negative memories taking over your present. Say to yourself: “Enough is enough. I am now creating new, happy memories for myself. The old boogieman won’t get me this time, I am way past that. This is the new me now: capable and good enough.”
After six weeks of regularly practicing the above steps, you should be able to create new neuropathways in your brain, and positive self-talk will become your new habit.
Don’t give up on yourself. Keep trying – and you will get there.
“I understand that the fear and anxiety I experience are nothing but the shadows of an unfulfilled promise of happiness. I deserve better, I am ready for better and I open myself to receiving the very best. At this moment my desires are stronger than the fear that has blocked me for so long.”
“I have the courage to speak for myself, and ask for what I want. I let go of all fear and doubt. I know I will get what I want. I know life will become simple and easy for me – since such is my choice.” – From the award-winning book “365 (+1) Affirmations to Create a Great Life” by Johanna Kern.