Australian magazine “LivingNow” published Johanna Kern’s article “Relationship Crashers: the 7 Ghosts of our past and what to do about them” in their Christmas/Summer Edition (Australian summer: January / February / March 2019).
“LivingNow” is Australia’s favorite long-running (30 years) health, wellness & personal development publication, with many thousands of readers of the print magazine throughout Australia – & hundreds of thousands more online.
They’re uninvited guests to our banquet of love. They will get us where they want us if we don’t deal with them.
We all want the same things: good health, fulfillment, a loving relationship/family, and comfort in life. While the details of how we see our needs fulfilled might vary – it all comes to one thing: happiness. We all want happiness in life. There is no one on this planet who would truthfully tell you that he/she wants to be unhappy.
The quest for happiness in life is two-sided coin. On one hand, it requires us to let go of our expectations and appreciate life for what it is – a wonderful journey to becoming who we truly are. On the other side, we need to put some effort to arrive at the place where we can fully be that person we are meant to be.
A happy relationship, based on true Love, is built on the same principles. Happiness in relationship is present because of our ability to let go of what weighs us down, and at the same time – because of what we are willing to do for our relationship to thrive. We want it to be a truly delightful feast, where the two of us can enjoy our time together, and celebrate what we have: Love.
But what if that feast we longed and planned for is interrupted by uninvited guests that appear at our beautifully set table with their own hidden, destructive agenda?
The Ghosts of Our Past are the relationship crashers.
Just as the wedding crashers can appear from either side: the bride’s or the groom’s – so do the relationship crashers. Often they can appear from both sides.
Common relationship crashers
These uninvited guests can present in many forms. Here are some of the most common:
THE FEAR OF CHANGE: It can stop us when we are about to move. It says it’s for our own good.
THE FEAR OF GETTING EMOTIONALLY HURT: It wants to keep our Love at bay. It won’t trust it no matter what we say.
THE FEAR OF REFECTION: What it wants for us is to be seen. But it makes us hide – doing the opposite of it.
THE FEAR OF LOSS OF FREEDOM: It tries to scare us with its ball and chain. Beware – it fastens us to itself with them.
THE FEAR OF INADEQUACY: Joined at the hip with the Fear of Rejection. Its twin brother feeds on our self-perception.
THE FEAR OF LONELINESS: It wants to always hold our hand. It won’t let go of it to the bitter end.
THE FEAR OF FAILURE: Becoming our helper is its thing. When it comes to forsaking our dreams.